When the Z squad went to the beach
by Nattle the Nettle
Summary: Goku takes everyone to the beach where they spend the day being completely ooc, with the narrator following them around for no apparent reason. Goku and Vegeta are drawing shells, and Chichi's an alcoholic, Bulma's underwear goes missing....


**When the Z squad went to the beach**

_Everyone is OOC, none of this would ever happen but I'm writing this for my little brother, who helped me come up with this story. _

_Any who… on with le story as the French would say._

_By the way, the bits in **bold italic** writing are the annoying narrator that follows people around in stuff like the Powerpuff girls or Teletubbies. _

_0o0o0o0o0_

**_A good way to start the story is to say what happened in the times that weren't shown in the TV series. Vegeta had got a restraining order to keep Goku away from him. Chichi was an alcoholic. Oolong was gay. Yamcha was secretly stalking Bulma, and often snuck into her house to steal her underwear. Bra had a crush on Goten and Goten had a crush on Videl. Videl wanted a divorce from Gohan. Gohan wore glasses. Pan loved Trunks and Trunks took advantage of her. Pan was pregnant. Goku was going to kindergarten. Piccolo had opened a corner shop. Master Roshi was an internet paedophile and he had fun. Krillin had grown hair, much to 18's joy. Marron was growing up into a beautiful little whore, and life was KO….i mean, ok. laughing_**

"GOKU! IT'S TIME TO GO!" shrieked Chichi as she staggered drunkenly into the kitchen with a butcher's knife in her hand.

"Ok, calm down Chichi, put down the knife," Goku said when he saw the state she was in. "I'll drive since you're drunk."

"I'M NOT DRUNK!" Chichi roared, as she tripped over the ironing board who was lying innocently on the floor.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" said the ironing board angrily.

"Shut up you whore!" Chichi screamed punching the ironing board.

"Who are you talking to?" Goku asked.

"Is this your friend Goku?" asked Chichi, "Well I don't like her!" And with that she threw the ironing board out of the window. Unfortunately, the window was closed, and seeing as the ironing board was made of rubber, it bounced off the window and hit Chichi.

"Rape!" She screamed. Goku sighed sadly and hit Chichi over the head with a frying pan. Once she was down, he ran the lawn mower over her a couple of times before locking her in the trunk of the car.

"Goten! Gohan! Videl! Pan! Vegeta! Bulma! Trunks! Bra! Piccolo! Goku! Yamcha! Puar! Oolong! Master Roshi! 18! Krillin! Marron!" Goku called. "We're leaving now!"

Two minutes later everyone minus Pan appeared in the kitchen. Vegeta had remembered to bring his metre stick (**_the restraining order made sure that Goku was always a metre away from Vegeta_**). Bulma was muttering under her breath about her underwear going missing. Pan was throwing up in the toilet.

Luckily, just minutes before Chichi had got hold of her alcohol, she had been thoughtful enough to make people breakfast, so everyone sat down to a light meal of peanut butter. Thus fortified, everyone piled onto Goku's bike.

"Ok! This is gonna be a bumpy ride! Are you ready?"

"No Kakkarot! My metre stick says that you're too near to me!"

"Ok Veggie, I'll attach a trolley to the back and you can sit in that."

"Oh Kakkarot! It's times like this when I realise how much I love you!"

"I love you too Vegeta!" Goku sobbed as he went towards Vegeta to hug him.

"HA! GET AWAY FROM ME! RESTRAINING ORDER!" Vegeta laughed evilly.

Goku's face fell and he got onto his bike and began to pedal. They drove at a tremendous speed and made it to the beach within weeks.

"Wow, that was a smooth journey," Bulma commented.

"Yeah," agreed Yamcha, "especially with these beauties." He had pulled out a sandwich bag full of lacy thongs.

"Hey…" Vegeta started from his trolley, "Those look familiar."

"You didn't see anything," he said in a sly voice as he slunk into the shadows.

"Hey, where did Yamcha go?" everyone asked looking around.

"Oh god, I think I'm gonna hurl!" Pan moaned from the bike.

"What are you gonna hurl baby?" Goku asked.

She threw up just in front of Goku.

"What are you gonna hurl?" Goku repeated, oblivious to the sick in front of him.

Pan shook her head angrily at him, and then looked around at her surroundings.

"Hey! We made it! I'm going swimming!" Pan threw off all her clothes and ran into the sea.

"Me too, wait!" Called Trunks and Master Roshi, running after her, drooling.

Goku watched them go and smiled.

"Kakkarot…you're grandchild is pregnant." Vegeta told him.

"Don't be silly!" Goku laughed. "Babies are born in cabbages…. And Pan hasn't been growing any!"

"What?" asked Vegeta, unnerved.

"Chichi told me – CHICHI! I LEFT HER BEHIND!" Goku flew into the air and back home to fetch his wife. Bulma, Vegeta, Gohan, Videl, Goten, Bra, Puar, Oolong, 18, Krillin and Marron sweat dropped.

"Hey," asked Marron suddenly, "Gohan, do you want to see my boobs? Daddy let me get implants! And they're really sore! How about a rub huh?"

"Better not Marron. Videl wouldn't like it."

"Go ahead and do it! It won't save this marriage!" Videl spat.

"Don't spit Videl," 18 scolded.

"I'm sorry." Videl hung her head in shame.

Gohan adjusted his glasses awkwardly. Marron was giving Vegeta a lap dance. Videl glared at him when she caught him staring.

**_Bra and Goten had snuck off some time ago. Bra was trying her best to get Goten interested in her, but he carried on comparing her to Videl._**

"Come on Goten! I'll have sex with you." Bra pleaded.

"No, Videl's body is nicer than yours. Her hair is like the plumage of a raven, how can I ravage you, when such a beautiful woman walks the earth?" Goten sang.

"Oh for fuck's sake! Goten!"

"Your voice sounds like a frog in a blender, while her's sounds like a dream!"

Bra had had enough and stormed off into the sea, where Pan was frolicking around being chased by Trunks and Master Roshi. Goten followed at a distance, making up lines of poetry about Videl.

_**Goku had at long last returned with his wife, Chichi, who had awoken from her drunken slumber. She had somehow managed to get drunk again and was singing 'If you wanna be my lover' by the spice girls. As soon as Goku set her down on the ground she started running around and rolling in the sand. **_

"Hey guys! I'm gonna do my homework!" Goku said, grinning broadly.

"What's that then Goku honey?" Bulma asked.

"I have to draw a picture about my day at the beach." Goku said excitedly, clapping his hands. "I brought my crayons!"

"Isn't that lovely?" Bulma cooed, ruffling his hair. "My, my you're growing up so fast."

Goku lay down in the sand and started drawing. Every now and again he would shout out a colour and Bulma would hand him a coloured crayon. Finally, he was finished.

"Can I see your picture Goku?" Bulma asked.

"Yes, I drew a…a..." Goku struggled to remember what he had drawn. Bulma looked at his picture.

"A shell Goku. It's a lovely shell."

"Yes," Goku lisped. "A shell!"

"Pah!" Vegeta snarled. "I can draw a better shell than Kakkarot!"

He hit Goku with his metre stick. "Move! You're too close to me!"

Goku shuffled over and Vegeta lay down in the sand. He too drew a shell. His shell was almost as good as Goku's, but less colourful. Bulma picked up on this but told the two Saiyans that they were both lovely so that no feelings were hurt. Unfortunately, Vegeta was a jealous little bugger and hit Goku a couple of times with the metre stick when Bulma wasn't looking.

_**Meanwhile, Master Roshi had left the Beach and had found an internet café. Oolong, as always, followed him.**_

Master Roshi signed onto his account on and entered girl chat. He quickly found someone by the name of Sexy69.

Master Roshi: hey babe, you looking for some loving?

Sexy69: yeah baby, ASL

Master Roshi: 80/m/japan

Sexy69: cool. I'm 12/f/uk wanna meet up?

Master Roshi: Sure thing honey, and don't forget to bring a condom!

During this Oolong had signed onto a gay pig porn sight and the less said about that the better.

**_Now, we go back to the beach to an epic battle. One that could destroy the Earth and it's up to Yamcha to save the world._**

Yamcha hit the volley ball with all his might. In less than a second he had done it. He had beaten himself at Volley Ball.

"Woo! A new record!" He screamed, falling to the floor crying. "This is the happiest day of my life. He got up to hug everyone around him, and then he ripped off his gi to reveal himself in Bulma's lacy red Bra and matching thong, complete with suspenders. Everyone gasped.

"I'd rather be at my corner shop," Piccolo said, going green.

"So that's where my underwear went!" Bulma frowned.

"Yamcha, that's disgusting," commented Android 18 happily.

"That's hot!" Squealed Marron, ripping off her own bikini to reveal exactly the same underwear. "We're totally twins!"

"Wow Marron, I'm so happy for you!" Krillin wept. "My baby's all grown up!"

Goku had heard the commotion and stopped rolling around in the sand. He stood up proudly, the Australian flag billowing behind him. He put his hand on his heart and began to sing:

**Australians all let us rejoice,**

**For we are young and free;**

**We've golden soil and wealth for toil,**

**Our home is girt by sea;**

**Our land abounds in Nature's gifts**

**Of beauty rich and rare;**

**In history's page, let every stage**

**Advance Australia fair!**

**In joyful strains then let us sing,**

**"Advance Australia fair!"**

**Beneath our radiant Southern Cross**

**We'll toil with hearts and hands;**

**To make this Commonwealth of ours**

**Renowned of all the lands;**

**For those who've come across the seas**

**We've boundless plains to share;**

**With courage let us all combine**

**To advance Australia fair.**

**In joyful strains then let us sing**

**"Advance Australia fair!"**

And then, with tears in his eyes, he stole Yamcha's (Bulma's) bra and destroyed it. Everyone stared at him before arrupting into applause. 18 had even found a grand piano and was playing 'Jingle Bells'. It was a memorable day for all.


End file.
